THAT’S ILLEGAL! (How Bad Bosses Breed Burdensome Laws)

            I recently saw an episode of the television series House, and the episode ended [SPOILER ALERT] with a termination.  In the show, Dr. House decides for mental health reasons to give up his role as head of the department of diagnostics at his hospital.  Predictably, his long term employee, Dr. Foreman, asks for the promotion to his position and gets it.  There is one personal complication in Dr. Foreman’s new position.  One of his new employees is also his girlfriend.  The two doctors were able to manage the lines between their personal and professional relationship when they were coworkers, but with Foreman as the Boss, this division became more difficult. Not wanting to give up his girlfriend, Foreman decides to fire her instead.  His plan was to give her up as a subordinate and keep dating her.

            Wait a sec – that’s illegal, isn’t it?  I mean, how is it NOT gender discrimination to fire a female employee for sleeping with the new boss?  Interestingly, Foreman makes this decision alone.  He does not take this up with the hospital administrator or anyone else.  Either the hospital has no such procedures for terminations, or the new department head was not briefed on them.  Nor, apparently, was he trained in employment law matters.  Would this sort of thing happen in the real world?  You betcha!  Not because we don’t enough laws or case histories to instruct us in these matters, but because many bad bosses act alone, without understanding of or regard for the protections afforded employees.

            My point here is that there should not have to be a law to address a case such as this.  So much lip service is given to people being the organization’s greatest asset, yet we still need the EEOC, the Department of Labor, the National Labor Relations Board, other federal and numerous state agencies to enforce the volumes of employment laws that are written to protect employees from bad bosses who fail to show their employees the respect they deserve.

            I heard two disturbing stories from a friend last week.  In one case, an employee was unable to work overtime and weekends while his wife was dying of cancer.  He is now “retired”.  Meanwhile, his former boss, who was covering the workload, has been putting in six and sometimes seven day workweeks, or so it sounded.  Yet when he took one day off to take his wife, also with a serious health condition, to the doctor he was docked.  The FMLA should certainly have protected the first husband, and the second should have been protected by Illinois’ One Day Rest In Seven Act, if not the Fair Labor Standards Act.  Granted, the FMLA does allow an exempt employee to be “docked” for time missed during an FMLA leave, but the Illinois law guarantees that an employee can take one day off during every seven day period.  In other words, if you work Saturday and Sunday, you are entitled to take another day off during the same work week. 

            Look, I don’t know enough about these two cases to know if there is a real legal case against the employer, but if there isn’t, there should be.  I remember a time before the FMLA when a very bad CEO wanted to change a policy allowing a two month personal leave to only one month, would not grant leave to mothers who needed to make child care arrangements, or make alternate work schedules for those who wanted to achieve some work-life balance.  It’s because of bosses like him that we have to have a law protecting employees from adverse employment actions if they become ill or need to care for an ill family member.  Unfortunately, as anyone in Human Resources knows, this law put a great administrative burden on employers, a burden that would not be necessary if bosses regarded employees as assets and worked with them to make the employment relationship beneficial for both sides.  An employee who is already working excessive overtime should be able to take a day off for a personal matter, even if vacation time is already exhausted. 

            It all comes down to the X versus Y style managers.  The Y style managers believe that most employees truly want to do a good job and give their organization their best effort.  Therefore, if an employee needs an accommodation, he or she is afforded it as part of the employment relationship.  The X style manager believes that most employees will try to do as little as possible and abuse the employment relationship.  Therefore, employees will be managed by excessive rules and restrictions with little or no accommodation for personal circumstances.  Many of the laws that Human Resources professionals need to know and administer are the result of employees complaining about lack of basic fair treatment.

            On the other hand, I am sometimes grateful we have these laws, because they make it easier for me to advocate on behalf of the employee to make sure they are treated fairly, even as I am watching out for the best interests of the organization.  The two goals should NOT be mutually exclusive!

More School

I have not been a big fan of Education Secretary Arne Duncan since the fiasco with the President’s school address.  Encouraging schools to let kids watch the President’s address during the school day is one thing, but as for that lesson plan to the teachers – well, we know how that went over.  Now the administration is proposing lengthening the school year.  You can read the full story here.

            His theory is that kids in other countries go to school longer, so we should too.  As this article points out, however, the kids who traditionally but the U.S. students on math and science tests – those from Asian countries – have fewer instructional hours spread over more school days.  In fact, we might be able to catch up with other countries on the number of school days by simply reducing the number of days off during the school year.  Do we really need to have Columbus Day and Martin Luther King Day off of school?  It’s not as if the kids will spend their day off honoring Columbus or Martin Luther King – it’s just a free day for them.  Also, how many “institutional days” do we really need during the school year?  If we can add 10 or 11 days to the school year by cutting out some of the days off, we could easily catch up to the number of school days that Japan and Hong Kong have.

            Duncan does make a good point, though.  Our calendar is based largely on the agrarian lifestyle that is far from the reality of most of today’s students.  In fact, the more time kids spend in school, the less time their working parents have to cover with day care, after care, summer camps and other costly alternatives.  However, do we want to go so far as to make the school system into a daycare system?  Will having kids in school from 7:30 AM to 5:00 PM help their education as much as it will help their parents with day care issues?

            During the fall and winter months, when the days are shorter, kids would be going to school and coming home in the dark, which makes me a bit leary.  Having kids wait at bus stops in the dark makes me worry about safety.  During spring and summer months, when the weather is nicer, kids get more restless and want to play outside more. If the days are extended, more breaks and variety need to be included.  Kids (mine in particular) can only sit still and learn for so long at a stretch. 

            On the other hand, summer can be quite long.  I had my son in a theater camp for nine weeks during the summer, and he absolutely loved it.  Even with that long a period in camp, I still had about two and half weeks of summer to “cover” for day care between the end and the start of the school year.  I am glad he went through camp, because it kept him busy doing something other than watching TV for endless hours, had him socializing with kids of various ages, had him involved in learning activities, and had him learning in a way that doesn’t happen in a regular school setting. 

            I think kids need enrichment beyond the traditional classroom and the opportunity to explore extracurricular activities and interests.  If the schools want to extend the school day to offer these extras, that would certainly benefit the students and some working parents as well.  I think shortening the summer will help some students who tend to lose a lot of what they’ve learned during this time, because they have no opportunity to reinforce learning.  My son’s school provided math exercises for him to work on over the summer, and we did work on those a little bit.  I also enroll him in the library’s summer reading program every year, so we keep up with reading

            With all that said, I still think the decision to extend the amount of learning time, how to use that time, and what resources to dedicate to the extended school hours, should be left to the states’ requirements and the individual districts, based on needs and affordability.  If the federal government wants to help, they can provide grants to schools based on needs and requests.  That’s my bias against too much federal intervention.

A Tale of Two Workouts

My second workout with the P90X program – Cardio X – went much better than the first, which was the Core Synergistics.  I think the more successful second evening was due to two things:

 1)      I prepared myself better.

2)      I was better prepared.

 I prepared myself better by doing the following:

             I drank more during the day, so I was better hydrated going into the workout.

            I started earlier in the evening, so I was less fatigued going into the workout.

            I let air in.  This was huge, as the first night all the doors were shut and I was stifling.  We have had unseasonably warm and humid weather.  I sweat so much, I not only lost too much hydration, I lost traction.  It’s hard to do running in plank position when your hands are slipping off the mat!  I still sweat plenty the second night, but I didn’t get nausea and headaches during the workout.

            I traded reps for form.  For example, the core workout includes two yoga positions I do quite well, the bow pose and the boat pose.  What I don’t do well, as I learned, is move from one pose to the other and back within a few seconds.  I can get into bow pretty quickly, but when I roll over onto my back, I need more time to get into proper position for boat.  The same is true of the superman/banana reps, the same idea, only smaller movements and faster paced.  So the second night I took the time to get those positions right.  I couldn’t do that as quickly, but when the minute was up, I did a few more reps before getting up to do the next exercise.  I can tell I got the positions right, because now the muscles hurt where they’re supposed to hurt, in the core.

            I was better prepared because I have experience practicing yoga and over 20 years of long distance running that includes 7 completed marathons. (We won’t go into the bonks right now.)  It’s not surprising that cardio would be easier for me – cardio has been my life.  I also know how to elevate my heart rate without inducing an asthma attack, something I learned years ago during the track workouts.  This is important, as I have exercise-induced asthma and I know the rescue inhalers don’t work. 

            The advantage of the yoga practice is that I could assume the positions as soon as they were called out and already knew how to adjust my form for each, so I didn’t have to stop and watch and figure out what to do.  I wish I could say the same for the jab/hook/cross/whatever punching combination!

            My recovery drink after each workout – chocolate milk!  Just something I learned in the running community.  As for the Team Beachbody community, I did post my “before” pictures.  They are hideous!

Personal Branding Dilemma

            I don’t know if Dan Schawbel would agree with this definition, but personal branding, as I understand it, is developing one clear message and consistently delivering that message through all of your communications.  This includes your tweets, blogs, comments on LinkedIn and Facebook, webpage, printed advertisement, etc.  If you look at the titles of my blog roll to the right, the lastest “tweets” underneath, the many LinkedIn groups I belong to (41 at last count), my Twitter bio, or even the title of this blog page, you will see I have big problem with the Rule of One.

            I cannot seem to find that single passion for One Thing.  I love my family and being a wife and mother.  I have been a dedicated member of the Human Resources profession for more years than I care to admit.  My interests in psychology lead me to pursue another graduate degree, and I got through about 45 hours, or two thirds of the program, before the baby got in the way.  I cannot help but take an interest in current events, especially as they affect my career or my family.  My faith is another important aspect of my life, which is why I recently signed on as a catechist with my parish, just as my son begins his religious education.  As a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant, I am always interested in upcoming fashion and make up trends, even if I don’t try to follow all of them.  I tend to be less trendy and more traditional with my dress, so it’s fun to at least experiment with makeup, and well, skin care is a must.

            All of these interests have been found in my tweets and blogs and profiles.  My coming tweets and blogs will be very focused on fitness and wellness, another area of interest.  I have just ordered the P90X program for “total body transformation”.  Drastic situations require drastic action, and a former marathon runner who gains 30 pounds of body fat within two years needs a drastic solution.  By Christmas I should fit into some of my older dresses.  I will probably regret not glomming more of my late sister’s clothes after her passing, but I am just too big to wear most of them.  I intend to fix that.  Blogging and tweeting will be a way of holding myself accountable for my actions and progress.

            So who am I really, and what do I want to share with the world?  If asked to define myself, I could probably narrow this down to counselor and teacher.  Being a parent is like being a little of both.  Being married is a form of self-improvement therapy in itself.  As a human resources generalist, I can practice both in training and counseling and coaching. In fact, I am most on my game when I am acting in these roles.  I am no expert on fitness, but I have learned a lot from my many years of running and training, and I enjoy passing that knowledge along.  As for my faith, well it’s always within me and it comes out spontaneously, when it’s appropriate (I hope).  However, I still do not think I have summed up all that I am, all that I do and all that I care about even in this paragraph.

            Maybe personal branding isn’t for me.  Maybe my mission as part of the social networking scene is to just be: to let whatever is on my mind or whatever piques my interest to come out and be shared, in the hope that someone else will gain something from it.  I know that I am gaining from the connections I am making online, so I hope I am giving something of value in return, even if am a bit all over the map.

So What Was All the Fuss About?

            This is definitely yesterday’s news.  Yesterday President Obama made a benign, encouraging and inspiring address to the nation’s students, some of whom saw it, some of whom didn’t, and some of whom will see it after the fact.  Which students see it and which don’t will depend on decisions made by the districts, the teachers and the parents.

            I was told well in advance that my son would not be able to see the webcast live, but would likely see the recording at a later time, whenever it would be most convenient for his class.  I actually gave my son a preview by reading from the text of the speech, which was available on the internet, while he was doing his homework yesterday.  He seemed very engaged in what I was reading and in what he was doing.

            Now that it’s all over, isn’t silly how people overreacted?  Why wouldn’t parents want their children to respect their nation’s president as a representative of the country and the institution of the presidency?  Why would anyone not want their child to have the opportunity to be inspired by an eloquent speaker and our country’s current leader?  Is it not appropriate for our leader to encourage our children to dream big and work hard for those dreams?  Haven’t other presidents, including Reagan, delivered similar messages to our nation’s youth?  Really, what was all the fuss about?

            Well, the fuss started not so much with the announcement that the President would be issuing a webcast to students, but with the lesson plan that was offered up by the White House to accompany the speech.  This included requesting the students write letters to themselves stating how they would help the President.  The White House, amidst the public outcry, admitted that this was “inartfully worded” and was corrected.

            The fuss was fueled by the fear that students would be “indoctrinated” to support the President’s policies, which many parents do not support.  The fuss was that the address would be a step toward a socialist indoctrination of the nation.

            Before the speech, a friend asked me what I thought of Obama.  I had nothing negative to say about the President, but responded that I am not a socialist.  She laughed.  She believes most people in this country aren’t socialists.  I wonder.

            Socialism is an economic model based on state ownership of the means of production and distribution, resulting, theoretically, in a more egalitarian distribution of wealth than we find in a capitalist model.  The idea that the White House would encourage young and impressionable children to listen to the President’s message and consider how they can help the President sounds a little like they are trying to plant the seeds of loyalty to the State as an ideological model.  Why would this be important to a leader who embraces a socialist economic philosophy? 

 

“Socialism cannot exist without a change in consciousness resulting in a new fraternal attitude toward humanity, both at an individual level, within the societies where socialism is being built or has been built…”

Che Guevara, Marxist revolutionary, 1965

 

If a socialist system will ever be accepted in this country, a change in attitude will be necessary, and it must start with the youth.  This is what all the fuss was about: the belief that President Obama, who wishes to take steps towards nationalizing health care, who wants to appoint czars to run various aspects of the economy, who associates with radical extremists (think Reverend Wright and the erstwhile Green Czar Van Jones), and who wants to issue lesson plans to all of the nation’s schools, is leading this country in the direction of socialism and wants to get the kids on board.

            In retrospect, that may seem silly and paranoid, but we don’t know what the President’s speech looked like before the public weighed in.  In hindsight, the White House would have done better to release the contents of the speech early on and encourage teachers to use the public address in any way they felt appropriate, allowing schools to develop their own lesson plans based on their own goals.  As a pep talk or a civics lesson, the speech would fit well in to a social studies curriculum. 

            At any rate, after much ado about everything, all’s well that ends well.  I am happy to have my son hear the President’s message, and – for those who read my previous article – my son is happy to report that I am still the only girl he has kissed on the lips. J

I Will Send Him to School on Tuesday

            Two things happened this week that made me realize that parenting in the 21^st century is much more challenging than I imagined it would be.  First, my 6 year old son told me that he wanted to kiss a girl, and “not on the cheek”.  Well!  He did tell me this in private and insisted this remain a secret between us, so I really shouldn’t be blogging about it, but I know you won’t tell anyone! (smile)  My son reminded me that he has been waiting six years he’s “done” waiting.  Well.

            The other thing that happened is that I read on the internet that President Obama was planning to address students across the country on Tuesday, September 8.  Not only that, but teachers will be encouraged to talk about U. S. presidents, including President Obama, to write letters to themselves about how they can help Obama, and think about what Obama is asking them to do.  Well.  The responses on the Facebook page following the video clip of the Fox News announcement were resoundingly negative, from “Leave our kids alone” to “Education, not indoctrination”, and “Get them while they’re young, Evita”.  Many parents were considering keeping their kids home on Tuesday.

            So how did my son, who usually says he doesn’t like girls, become so passionate about wanting to kiss a girl, and “not on the cheek”?  From his friends, of course.  One friend his own age and another who is a year older both claim to have kissed a girl on the lips when they were only 5 years old.  I immediately told my son two things: (1) You can only kiss a girl IF she gives her permission.  If she says “no”, she is off limits.  (2) Never kiss and tell.  He can tell me about it after, in strict confidence, but he must never tell anyone else about it, and certainly not mention her name.  In short, respect her body and her privacy.  I had always planned to pass these messages along to my son, I just didn’t think it would have to be so soon.

            I spoke to my son’s teacher on Wednesday night, which was Parents’ Night, and she had just received an email regarding the Obama school address, but had not yet had time to read it.  I went to see the principal at the school, who was good enough to forward me the file of the curriculum that was sent to the schools. It was pretty much as publicized.  It appeared innocuous at first, but as I read through, it seemed like there would be a lot of pro-Obama agenda subtly worked into the message.  The principal also explained that they would show the webcast to the classes at different times and use the message to reinforce the school rules – Respect, Responsibility, Safety – and the teachers’ already existing efforts to get the kids to set goals for themselves.

            After my evening at my son’s school, I realized I needed to add to my initial reaction to my son’s announcement.  I told him in addition to (1) getting permission and (2) keeping it private afterwards, he would have to choose a time and place for this event that would be private.  In other words, he could not kiss a girl at school.  “Do you want me to wait until I’m 7?” He asked.  I told him I wanted him to wait until it’s the right person and the right time for him.  That seemed to settle him down a bit.  He is still interested, but he is willing to wait for it to happen.  He also is willing to wait until he she, whoever she may be, says it’s okay.

            Many parents around the country are worried about what message or “indoctrination” their children will receive when Obama addresses the nation’s children in school, particularly those parents who are not in agreement with Obama’s policies.  I doubt that he will say anything as egregious as From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.  You can read my earlier article to see how I feel about that bit of socialist doctrine.  I am less concerned with the President’s actual speech, which should soon be available on the internet for parents to preview.  More important will be how the message is reinforced.  If my son’s teacher uses the message to reinforce working hard in school, being responsible and setting academic goals for himself, I think that will be appropriate.  If the message gets any more “political”, I will be less pleased with the whole idea.

            Regardless of what happens on Tuesday, I will send my son to school and encourage him to listen to the President’s address.  I will ask him to tell me about it at home.  Then I will know how he is processing the message.  You see, I cannot prevent my son from being influenced by the outside world, be it friends, teachers with liberal views, older kids, television, or whatever.  There is no point to trying to prevent my son from seeing the President’s webcast.  My job as a parent is to assert my own influence over him.  Right now, what I say and what I think still matter more to him than anything else.  This won’t always be the case.  However, I can encourage him to think for himself and filter out the multitude of influences that will bombard him over the years.

            I still don’t know whether or not my son will kiss a girl “not on the cheek” while he is still only six years old, but at least I have had my say, and he has listened.  I cannot really stop him from doing whatever he has set his mind to, but I can use my influence as a parent to encourage him to make the right choices.  At some point, I will have to trust him to make the right choices and think for himself.  Maybe the 21^st century parent has to reach that point a lot sooner than our parents did.

Why You Need HR

This is part two of my rant against the unfair assumptions against us HR folks.  Here why you really need us:

 Case 1:

I was out of my home office at another site for three days. When I returned, I found out that the GM of our home division transferred one manager and hired a former colleague to fill the newly vacated position. I was totally unaware these moves were taking place. By the time I learned of the new hire, the deal was done. Unfortunately, there was an assistant manager in the department who was given no consideration for the position. There was no posting or other recruiting. The new manager was under 40 years of age. The assistant manager who had been passed over was over 40 years of age. It took two years, but she got her settlement.

 Case 2:

An employee with a severe illness was covered under a self-funded group health plan that carried stop-loss insurance.  The carrier for the stop-loss insurance was the same carrier the company had for the long-term disability (LTD) insurance.  The LTD department contacted HR to find out if this employee would be filing an LTD claim.  They knew of his situation, because the carrier was now paying his medical bills.  HR learned upon inquiry that the employee had been out of work for several months, but was still receiving a full paycheck!  He was not transferred to short-term disability status and was not collecting the STD benefits the company was paying for and the employee was entitled to.  He was not later converted to LTD status, in order to collect the LTD payments that the employee was entitled to under the plan the company paid for.  He was never put on FMLA status.  Naturally, the general manager who allowed this employee to be absent from work due to serious medical condition and continue to receive a regular paycheck without informing HR of his status had no intention of converting him to COBRA status under the terms of the company’s policies.  But under these policies, an employee who is not actively at work (paycheck not withstanding) and not on leave status or COBRA status is not a covered person.  The manager who tried to protect his employee from the clutches of the evil HR lady who would have (gasp) put him on leave and required him to receive STD benefits and later LTD benefits, then would have (shudder), forced him onto COBRA, thus protecting his status as a covered person and maintaining coverage for himself and his family at a time when he needed it most.  Ignorance of the need for and nuances of the policies and coverage provisions nearly caused this general manager to inadvertently render his special employee ineligible for his medical benefits.

 Case 3:

An employee had a disagreement with her supervisor and walked off the job, normally cause for automatic termination.  But the next day, before the start of her shift, the employee went to HR and complains that her mean and nasty supervisor told her to go home, and that he doesn’t like women.  She went on to say how this mean and nasty supervisor is always picking on the females in her department, even requiring her to do twice as much work as one of the male employees.  HR advised the employee to return to work at the start of the shift, and the matter would be investigated.  While the matter was being investigated, HR received a written change notice from the supervisor indicating the employee had walked off the job and not returned.  The supervisor would later admit to the EEOC investigator that, while HR was investigating her claims of gender discrimination, he had prevented the employee from clocking in at the start of her shift, brought her to his office, and fired her.  That her original discrimination claims proved to have no merit was no longer relevant.  She prevailed on a retaliation claim.

            In all of these cases, managers acted on their own will and whims and engaged in personnel transactions without consulting, or even informing HR.  In fact, in these cases, HR was very deliberately left out of the picture until well after the fact.  In each case, the manager felt he was doing what was in the best interest of himself, his department, or his favored employee.  However, in each case, the manager’s intentions backfired with unintended consequences.  Two lawsuits had to be settled out of court and one employee was saved from losing coverage by the interventions of HR and the plan’s broker.  Also, another employee benefited, a pregnant hispanic female who went on disability leave for childbirth and received full pay, in order to be consistent with the benefits received by the white male employee who received the favored treatment by the general manager.

Here’s how these cases could have been handled differently.

Case 1: Post the vacant position for Customer Service Manager.  Interview the assistant manager, if she applies for the position.  Interview other internal and external candidates.  Write your business reasons for selecting one candidate over the others, including the incumbent assistant manager.  You may still a get claim from a disgruntled employee who felt entitled to the promotion, but at least you’ll have a documented case for your actions.

 Case 2: Follow your policies and procedures for a disabled employee.  File for the appropriate benefits and update his employment status as appropriate.  If you think requiring the employee to leave on the reduced pay afforded by the disability benefits, bonus him.  Make the business case for why the employee deserves additional compensation, based on his previous performance, and give him a bonus check.  The extra cash plus the disability pay benefits should be sufficient.  As for COBRA, don’t charge him for the premiums, or pay the premiums on his behalf to the TPA.  You’ve taken care of your special employee, he has not been “thrown out to the cold”, which is what we evil HR people seem to do, and his benefits and employment status have been protected.  Meanwhile, you have not set a precedent that will allow every employee who goes on STD to get a full paycheck.

 Case 3:  Don’t terminate any employee without HR present, or at least given advance warning.  Allow the investigation to proceed.  Let HR help you terminate the employee with less risk, if she doesn’t quit on her own first. 

            HR is not there to get in the managers’ way, and certainly not to harm employees with arbitrary and inhumane enforcement of policies.  HR is there to protect the company from rogue managers and supervisors who act on their own will and whim and put the company at serious legal risk at worst, or cause deeper morale issues at best.  None of the managers in these cases intended to maliciously abuse his power or do harm to his organization, but they DID do harm, out of ignorance of the potential consequences of their actions. 

            This is why you need HR.

Do You Have A Problem With A Fat Surgeon General?

            I was reading the SHRM articles on the home page when I came across Does Weight Impact Performance? This article discusses the weight of Surgeon General Nominee Dr. Regina Benjamin.  A country that by all accounts has an obesity crisis, one that is affecting our overall health care costs, has nominated a Surgeon General who is fat.  WOOPS! Let me be politically correct: a person who appears to be overweight. 

            My first thought: would this be a question if we were talking about a man?  I might be a little oversensitive here, but it just seems to me that men get a pass on things like excessive smoking, eating bad foods, drinking heavily and being overweight.  These behaviors don’t seem to draw the same amount of attention in a man as they do a woman. Somehow it just doesn’t seem seemly for us to be seen as having a healthy appetite, enjoying a few shots, puffing a cancer stick, or carrying a little belly fat. Those power suits just aren’t tailored to hide our little sins.

            President Obama, for his part, gets away with an admitted smoking addiction and eating cheeseburgers (or as we say in Chicago, “cheeborgor, cheeborgor, cheeborgor”).  These behaviors are more distressing considering he is black.  WOOPS! Let me be politically correct: He is a member of an ethnic group known to be at statistically higher risk for high blood pressure. But he does look good in a suit. 

            Gender issues not withstanding, there is a role model issue here.  Consider that I am not allowed, per school policies, to send my kid to school with snacks that are not wholesome or whole grain, such as a granola bar or an apple.  Sweets are discouraged for celebrating birthdays in school.  Either healthy snacks or non-edibles are preferred as treats to pass out for special occasions.  This stringency, I am told, is part of a nationwide effort to counteract the trend of obesity in children.  We all know, however, that no matter what rules the schools impose, it is what the children see and experience at home that will influence and form their eating habits.  Yet, the schools have a responsibility to set the right example and create the right image, or so the theory goes. 

            So for a nation that would benefit immensely from a concerted effort to make healthy living a priority, do we want our top doc to be an example of the American obesity crisis?  Let’s bring this down to another level, closer to home.  Many of work for companies that are trying to combat rising health care costs through wellness initiatives and incentives, including incentives for smoking cessation and weight loss, as well as activity, such as walking groups.  These initiatives are backed by management and usually spearheaded by Human Resources.  I am a living example of such a program.  I offered and encouraged a smoking cessation program for my employees, I encourage and provide premium reductions for those willing to take part in annual health risk assessment profiles on site, and I post articles and features on healthy living on the cafeteria bulletin board.  I should be setting the best example, right?  After all, I am a non-smoking former marathon runner who likes running (still), yoga, walking and swimming and believes in the physical and psychic benefits of such activities and stress management techniques.  I should be preaching what I practice, right?

            Well, here’s the rub.  I’ve gained weight.  Not the two to five pounds of water weight that my late sister used to complain about (earning her the title “Skinny Bitch”), but enough to put my BMI (body mass index) over the top of the range.  In other words, I got fat.  No PC BS here.  I’m fat.  I’m disgusted with myself.  I want to change.  I have been very frustrated with my efforts to do so.  I admit, I don’t feel like a very good role model, either for my employees or my family.

            The aforementioned article indicated that Weight Watchers had a more sympathetic take on this issue (if it really is an issue), citing that the position of Surgeon General may benefit from having a person who truly understands how difficult it really is to lose and maintain weight.  Amen to that.

            My question now is, do I have a responsibility to not only “make the effort”, but to actually succeed in losing weight in order to restore my credibility as the wellness program representative?  Is maintaining that role model status for healthy living an unwritten part of my job description?  Overweight people have always been stigmatized to some degree, but have we reached a point where weight management is now a real job criteria, like being properly dressed, using appropriate workplace language, being a good team player, etc.?

            I’d love to know your thoughts.

Evil HR or Weak Management?

            Have you seen the blog of Evil HR Lady? (http://evilhrlady.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-quit.html) You can see how she describes the perception of HR as the bearer of all bad news for the hapless employee who will be disciplined, demoted, transferred, terminated or whatever.  I once had an employee express a similar sentiment, namely that “You’re hired” is the last good news you get from HR.  After I kicked him out of my office, I started making a mental list of the things I have done to help my employees, such as fighting for their benefits coverage, answering their questions, helping them get legal or other professional advice when needed, defending their positions to management, and so on.  Apparently, this negative perception of HR persists, but I don’t believe HR is the real culprit here.

            First, I have never understood why I should have to fire an employee.  I don’t make those decisions.  Managers decide when to fire an employee.  I am usually the one trying to find ways NOT to get the employee fired, or trying to force the manager to make a strong case before terminating, so when the time comes, it will be a short conversation and there won’t be any surprises.  But many managers have a hard time managing.

            I had one who complained about her recent hire, the one she failed to train to do much more than make photocopies, but did not terminate during her probation period.  She didn’t think the person was worth anything, but still felt her presence was necessary to help with her workload when she went on vacation.  She figured she would fire the gal when she got back from vacation.  She figured wrong.  The employee suffered a work related injury while her boss was on vacation.  Further, she passed her 90 day probationary period without receiving any negative feedback from her boss.  So I told the manager to do the 90 day performance evaluation, explain the employee’s deficiencies, and give her an improvement plan.  If she failed to improve, the she should be fired.  The written evaluation turned out to be neutral and called for more one and one training, which the manager was supposed to provide.  This was hardly the documentation needed to make a strong case for termination.

            When it did come time to terminate the employee, I was expected to deliver the news, not the manager who had been trying for months to get rid of her.  The manager pretended to feel all badly about the termination, while I got to play the bad guy.  Who is really evil here?

            I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had managers who have utterly failed to provide candid feedback to an underperformer (even with my coaching and offer of support), then expect me to clean up their mess, like address the discrimination suit that comes later.  Sometimes it’s not that bad.  Sometimes I just have to be the one to break it to the employee that his or her boss is dissatisfied.

            The same comes at the time of merit increases.  Again, HR does not and should not decide how much of a raise each employee should receive, only the general guidelines for how compensation should be administered, such as the salary ranges and a range of possible increase percentages.  The department manager should have the nerve to tell the employee not to expect a 10% increase this year, because he or she really is not the star of the department.

            Managers often want to write up employees when they are frustrated with behavior or performance.  I am happy to take down the information, draft the corrective action documentation, and sit with the manager while this is reviewed with the employee to act as a witness or even a facilitator in the conversation.  Again, I can’t tell you how many times the manager will simply hand over the write-up to the employee, ask them to read and sign, and otherwise stay mute.  They want to stay relatively silent while I defend the action the manager initiated.

            If I am unsuccessful in advocating an employee’s position, I am “evil” because I “did nothing” to help the employee.  If I argue on behalf of an employee and against a management action I view as unfair, I am “evil” for not being totally on management’s side.  I am “evil” for demanding documentation from managers before taking adverse employment action.  I am “evil” for not hiring people quickly enough, because I either want to thoroughly vet the candidate first (eg. get a criminal background check, post-offer physical and drug screen completed), or because I need higher authorization before I can put the person on the payroll.  I am “evil” for not immediately getting rid of, or at least censoring, supervisors that are unpopular with certain employees.  Some employees like to think they must be the victim of some form of discrimination if a supervisor holds them accountable for some standard of performance.  I can’t always take the employee’s side.  I can’t always take the supervisor’s side either, so I’m always in the wrong in somebody’s eyes.

            Much of the previous paragraph is a description of the employee relations professional’s role – to be the neutral party between the workforce and management and try to resolve differences in a manner that’s legal and fair to BOTH sides of the employment relationship.  However, the managers have a responsibility to provide clear, consistent and candid feedback to their employees, as well as the training, coaching and support necessary to help the employee succeed.  I can try to help the manager along the way, be and advisor and provide support, but I shouldn’t be stuck doing the dirty part of their job.

            And that’s my vent for the day.  Again, I am opening myself up to a lot of criticism here, so let me have it!

Aspects of Mourning or Why I Am Glad I Saw “Sex and the City”

What is it we mourn when we lose someone?  We miss both what was, and more often, what might have been.  If we lose someone close to us, we miss their smell, their voice, their presence in our lives.  We miss the little rituals that they had become a part of in our lives.  My mother still expects my sister to show up for dinner on Sunday evenings.

 

Our grief is often exacerbated by what was left undone.  We grieve for letter never written, the words never spoken, the trip never taken.  In the case of my sister, it was the movie she never got to see.  She died of cancer on July 4, 2008.  About a month earlier, the highly anticipated feature film version of the hit HBO series Sex and the City was released in theatres.  My sister had been an enormous fan of the series, never missing an episode, and told me she was “dying to see the movie” Sex and the City.  Dying, indeed.

 

She was in the hospital the weekend it was released, still hopefully unaware of the five tumors in her brain.  Despite her release from the hospital, she would quickly learn she was unable to care for herself at home.  She lived alone, and my 78 year old mother had spent most of her energy taking care of my father for three years before he succumbed to lung cancer less than six months before.  It was my sister-in-law who came to the rescue, brought my sister to the guest room in her house, and took over as her nurse maid.  By the time my sister learned her fate, I had already seen the movie she was dying to see.  My best friend dragged me to it.  I had never seen the series and knew nothing of the stories or the characters.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that I could follow the stories and that I actually enjoyed the movie.

 

There was a time when I would have seen any new release with my sister.  We had a ritual that lasted for almost twenty years.  She and I would get together every Sunday afternoon, find a movie we both wanted to see, and went to a matinee.  After, she would drag me through some dreadfully boring shopping trip (am I the only woman alive who actually hates to shop?), and then we would go to Mom and Dad’s house for dinner.  By the late 90’s we were living more than fifty miles apart, and though we both still made it to Mom’s for dinner on Sunday, I had given up the ritual of trying to see a movie with her in the afternoon.  Eventually, I would also give up on the weekly trips to Mom’s dinner, and not long after, I would announce my engagement to my parents during an afternoon visit.

 

These changes in my life did not stop my sister from her weekly routine, nor it did stop us from enjoying movies together.  We simply compared are notes and impressions on movies we had seen when we did get together.  Her intelligent “reviews” of the movies were always of great interest to me.  I actually suggested she apply for Gene Siskel’s job as Roger Ebert’s partner after Mr. Siskel’s death.  We did make some special trips to the movies together along the way.  She took me and my then 2-year-old son to see his first movie in the theater (it was Nanny McPhee).  We made time to get together for the fourth Harry Potter movie, and compared our thoughts on the fifth.

 

I would have thought a month earlier that if I did see Sex in the City, it would be with my sister.  It would be an experience we would share.  After I saw it, I couldn’t wait until she saw it, so we could share our thoughts, as we always did when we saw the same movie. It was not to be.

 

When my sister was in the hospital for the last time, I offered to relate the movie to her, tell her all I could remember of the plot and the story and the characters and the moods the movie evoked.  She would not let me.  “No, I’m dying to see it,” she would say.  She would say it again at my sister-in-law’s house a week later.  By this time, she was clearly housebound and could barely hold her head up for two straight hours.  She wasn’t going anywhere.  I knew it.  Everyone else did too.  Yet I couldn’t get over the feeling that the reason I had seen the movie to begin with was so that I could share it with her.  She never gave me the chance.

 

How many of you, having lost a loved one, began wearing that person’s clothes, sitting in that person’s chair, following rituals you would have followed with that person, as if trying to keep some physical remnant of the person’s memory alive?  I realize now that though I missed sharing one last movie with my sister, I saw one last movie for my sister.  That turned out to be my one little experience that kept me close to my sister as I remembered her, as I remembered us, even as she was slipping away from me.